How can you help your other children understand?

Children of all ages grieve. They may be afraid, act out or need special attention. Some children may think that they’re going to die, too. They can cope better with grief when they know what’s happening.

Here are some ways you can help them understand the baby’s death:

• Talk with them about death using simple, honest words. You can say things like, “The baby didn’t grow,” or “The baby was born very tiny.” Don’t use words that may confuse or scare them, such as “The baby is sleeping,” or “Mommy lost the baby.”
• Read them stories that talk about death and loss. Your funeral home, library or school may have children’s books that may help them understand death.
• Encourage them to ask questions. Give as much information as your child needs.
• Be aware of changes in your children’s behavior. They may be hurt, confused and angry, just like you. Younger children may be clingy or cranky. They may act in ways or do things that they haven’t done in a long time. Older children may be more worried about school, friends or sports. Or they may show no reaction at all to the baby’s death. They also may ask questions that you think are rude or uncaring. These are normal reactions. Be as patient and loving as you can.
• Tell them they are not going to die.
• Tell them that no one is to blame for the baby’s death.
• Ask them to find their own ways to remember the baby. Older children may want to go to the memorial service or funeral. Younger children can draw a picture or make a keepsake for the baby.
• Ask a counselor to meet with you and your children to help all of you understand your feelings.
• Tell your children’s teachers and other caregivers what has happened.
  
  

August 2008