Take care of your body.

• Eat healthy foods. Eat fruits and vegetables, whole-grain breads and pastas, and low-fat chicken and meat. Stay away from junk food, fast food and too many sweets.
• Stay away from alcohol and caffeine (in coffee, tea and soda). These can make you feel bad and make it hard for you to sleep. Instead, drink water or juice.
• Don’t smoke. Smoking is bad for you and your partner. Secondhand smoke (smoke from someone else’s cigarettes) is harmful, too.
• Do something active every day. Go for a walk. Get outside for a while.
• Try to stick to your regular schedule. Get up and go to bed at your usual times.
• Remember that a woman’s body needs time to get back to normal after pregnancy. If a woman was far along in her pregnancy, she may have some bleeding, and her breasts may have milk. If these things are happening to you or your partner, talk to your health care provider. He can answer your questions about what’s happening.

Share your feelings.

• Talk about your baby and your feelings with your partner, family and friends.
• Talk to your health care provider. Ask her to help you find a grief counselor. This is a person with special training to help people deal with their grief. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone other than your family and friends.
• Talk to your religious or spiritual leader. Your spiritual beliefs may be a comfort to you during this time. Go to your place of worship, such as a church, synagogue or mosque. Even your funeral home may offer support services for grieving families.
• Think about having a memorial service to remember your baby. Your hospital may have a service each year that you can go to.
• Join a support group. A support group is a group of people who have the same kind of concerns. They meet to share their feelings and try to help each other. Ask your provider to help you find a support group of other parents who have lost a baby. These parents understand what you’re going through. They can help you feel like you’re not alone.
• Read books and poems or listen to music that you like and find comforting.
• Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. You can even write letters or poems to your baby. Tell your baby how you feel and why you miss her.
• Make an album or a memory box for keepsakes of your baby, like photos, a hospital bracelet or a blanket.
  
  

“Knowing I had the support
group to go to was comforting.
It was a relief to talk about the
whole experience with others
who had lost their baby, too.”

 

Take time before making any changes.

• You may already have baby things, like clothes, blankets and furniture. Leave them where they are until you feel ready to put them away.
• Try not to make big changes in your life (like moving to a new place or taking a new job) right after your baby dies. Wait a few months before you make changes like these.
• Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your baby.
  

“Don’t be too quick to
decide what to do with
your baby things. You may
feel differently about them later.”

Ask for help.
Ask your friends and family for help. Tell them exactly what they can do for you. Ask them to help with childcare, go grocery shopping, make meals or
just spend time with you.

• Ask the hospital social worker for help dealing with medical, insurance and funeral bills.
• Ask your provider for help if you think you’re depressed. Everyone feels sad or blue sometimes. These feelings may be stronger after the death of a baby. If your feelings of sadness are really strong and last a long time, you may need treatment for depression. Here are some signs of depression to look for:
  • Having little interest in your usual activities or hobbies
  • Feeling tired all the time
  • Gaining or losing weight
  • Having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Having trouble concentrating or making decisions
  • Thinking about suicide or death

Tell your provider if you think you have any of the signs of depression. There are things you and your provider can do to help you feel better.

Share your story.

Anna’s Story:

I couldn’t believe my baby came so early. I was only 28 weeks pregnant when he was born. How did this happen? Did I do something wrong? At first I felt numb. And then I felt really angry and sad. I wanted this baby more than anything. Why did she have to die? I must have cried for days.

I had lots of friends and family with me after my baby died. They said nice things to me and helped around the house. But I don’t think they really understood how I felt. Their babies hadn’t been born too early. Their babies hadn’t died. How could they know what I was going through?

My husband heard about www.shareyourstory.org. It’s a Web site where you can talk to other parents whose baby has died. There are people there just like us. I read their stories, and I told them about my baby. I felt better after talking to people who had been through the same thing.

August 2008